Families shield children from trauma, but silence can echo

A cognitive neuroscientist began to reflect on her own childhood after noticing some parents of 9/11 first responders hesitated to allow their adult children to participate in a study about intergenerational trauma.

The researcher’s father abruptly ended conversations when she asked about his cousins, a silence she now understands as a possible attempt to shield her from difficult family history.

Following the September 11th attacks, nearly 20 percent of first responders developed post-traumatic stress disorder, and her research team sought to understand how this trauma impacted their children. Many parents in the study were willing to share their own experiences but resisted their adult children’s involvement, explaining they wanted to protect them or believing the children weren’t affected.

This reluctance mirrors patterns seen among Holocaust survivors, who often remained silent about their experiences to allow their children to grow up without the burden of that history. However, children often perceive unspoken emotional weight and may benefit from understanding their parents’ pasts, even if it involves trauma. The researcher notes that sharing trauma isn’t simply recounting events, but also revealing vulnerability, which can be difficult for parents who want to appear strong and protective.

One participating father emailed the research team to say the study prompted his family’s first conversation about 9/11 and helped him realize the depth of his children’s experience. The researcher realized that understanding family history often happens in fragments and that silences can be as formative as spoken words.